The Princess and the Hungry Trow
From Phobos Wiki
The Princess and the Hungry Trow by Theodor Nox
The Princess and the Hungry Trow There was once a princess whose father, the king, wished to marry to a fine prince, but a real prince he had to be. So the king sent a message to princes the world over to come to his castle and see if they were worthy enough to marry his beautiful daughter, for the one who married the princess would be the richest and happiest prince in the land. When the first princes arrived from the nearby provinces, there was much commotion about where they should stay. Some reluctantly slept in the few inns in the town, others were lucky enough to get a bed in the servants quarters of the castle and others had nowhere to sleep but out on the dusty streets! The foolish old king forgot to organise any rules to the courting of his daughter, so the desperate princes bothered her all day, shoving flowers in her royal face and complementing her voluptuous royal bosom. After the first day, the princess was, (quite understandably), furious with her incompetent father. That night she decided to run away and live in a village beyond the mountains and the woods but since she had never been allowed out into the deep woods behind the castle, she soon got lost and wandered into a den of trows. She was lucky though, because these particular trows had grown to hate the taste of meat, and were adamant vegetarians.
Nevertheless the ugly trows terrified her so much so that she turned back the way she came. But alas, the princess was not so fortunate in her next encounter. Waiting for her on the path back to the castle was the hungriest trow you could ever meet, his belly grumbled so loudly that any wolves who heard it mistook the sound for another wolf, and ran to it, only to be gobbled up by the hungry trow. When the princess saw the dark hairy figure on the path, she stopped in her tracks and called out fearfully, 'who goes there?' 'It is I, the ever fictional comic plot device, aptly named, "The Hungry Trow!" replied the hungry trow, hungrily. 'Are you vegetarian?' the princess called out. 'Of course not!' it replied, 'And now, I'm afraid, I must eat you! If you feel the need to scream, please do so with your mouth closed!' With that, the hungry trow bared his sharp teeth and grabbed the princess, but just before the beast took his first bite, the princess thought of a brilliant idea. 'Wait!' she yelled, 'You can eat me now and still be hungry, but if you let me live I can bring you to a place where you can eat all the human flesh you want and never go hungry again!'. The trow stopped and thought about this, 'never go hungry again'... He agreed to let the princess lead him to this wonderful place she spoke of.
When the two reached the castle gardens, the trow was told to wait at the edge of the wood and come into the castle by the back gate when the lit candle in the window of the throne room was blown out. It was the evening of the second day, and the townspeople were getting angry with the king for the streets were filled with crowds of princes. On the other hand the townsfolk rejoiced at their booming economy on account of the princes trading their valuables in exchange for a bed for the night. After hours of searching, the king finally found his daughter waiting in the great throne room. She told him to gather all the princes waiting in the city and bring them to the throne room. 'Then I shall choose my prince'. This however was a lie. For the princess could bring herself to love only other women. Somewhat oblivious to this, the king was delighted, as he had been troubled by hourly reports of royal defecation filling up the streets. All the princes were called to the throne room at once. There they stood in a big crowd, the smell of them was putrid, some had started fighting, many were shouting for this whole affair to be over and done with so they could go home.
The princess told them to wait as she went to fetch the royal crown. Before she left, she blew out the single candle sitting in the windowsill and told the servants to lock the door to the throne room once the trow was inside. The trap was set, and the trow gleefully skipped down the hill from the woods and into the back entrance of the castle. There he met the princess, whom he proceeded to eat, swallowing her whole (for she was quite small indeed). Next, he pranced down the hall and into the throne room. Behind him, the door slammed shut and made a silent 'click'. A broad smile stretched across the trow's ugly face. True, he will never go hungry again. May this be a lesson to all, never to make dealings with a hungry trow and never ever assume that all a body needs to survive on is food. The hungry trow died of thirst one week later. By this time, war was declared on the kingdom by the neighbouring provinces, outraged by the massacre of their princes.